To My Younger Self

Sometimes I think you'd be scared of me. Disappointed. Annoyed at the fact that I've changed so much, and done little of what you expected us to ever do at this age. Another part of me knows your ideals are stupid. You want me to be a perfect, popular teen. To be doing amazing things. Living life like it's a fairy tale where nothing goes wrong. 

You think everything is easy. That there'll be no struggles in life. Don't argue with me-- this is an older self you're listening to. I know you think this. 

And I know you're wrong. 

You think you're so mature, but you're not. You let your smarts get to your head, and though confidence in yourself is certainly not something to take for granted, you treat it the wrong way. Over the next few years, your personality, what little of it you have, will be stripped down to nothing. That confidence will ebb, and you'll realize that perhaps you don't know everything. You'll realize that maybe the plans you made for yourself, won't come true. You'll become somebody new; a girl you didn't think you'd become. 

Maturity will come; so slow down, and take each year and the new responsibilities that come with it, one at a time. Don't grow up too fast. You'll get to watch 48 Hours eventually, trust me. ;) 

You'll find that your world views slowly begin to change. Your disgust at tattoos will change to fascination, you'll find that crushes are not as icky as you believe, & that girls who fall in love with famous people, aren't so silly after all. In fact, you'll be one of those girls. No-- you're never going to be a Belieber, but yes, you're going to fall in love with musicians, actors, and the odd fictional character. 

You're going to learn that looks aren't everything. You'll fall in love with personalities, the way someone smiles, or laughs. How a person's eyes crinkle when they smile. The way somebody talks with their hands, or the jokes they tell. You'll find friends in unlikely places, and reach people across the world through blogging. Yes-- you get a blog, finally. Stop bugging your dear, old mother and go be productive until the time comes. 

You'll lose people you thought you'd be friends with forever. You'll change schools. Be challenged in ways you never thought you would be. You will learn that your ideals and society's ideals are two different things, and they will likely never correlate. You will try not to be a cookie-cutter, only to learn that you could never be one, even if you wanted to. 

You'll find how much you depend on music; how you live and breathe it. You'll thrive on it, and find just how much it keeps you going. You'll fall asleep to voices of people you look up to, and you'll finally have an answer to who your idols are. You'll find just how much someone you don't know can impact your life. 

(You know that store in the mall that freaks you out? The dark one? Hot Topic? With all the people covered in band merch and rubber bracelets? The people that scare the wits out of you? Right. Well you'll practically live in that store., and you'll adore the people inside of it)

You will go through hard times over the next few years, but you'll also experience many highs in your life. In a few years, you'll find part of yourself, and become a person. You'll finally figure out your damn favorite color. 

I can't tell you everything that's going to happen in the next few years. Nor can I tell you what happens the day after today. In time, I'm sure I'll look back at this and find it so incredibly immature. But I think that's a part of life. Realizing how immature you used to be; in an effort to conclude how far you've come in life. 

So yeah, I think you'd be disappointed in me. But I think you'd also be insanely proud of your older self. I, we've, come so far. We haven't done what we'd dreamed we'd do, or became who we thought we would. 

But we were always such a dreamer.

Still are.