A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares: Krystal Sutherland || Review

“Anxiety felt like a grapnel anchor had been pickaxed into your back, one prong in each lung, one through the heart, one through the spine, the weight curving your posture forward, dragging you down to the murky depths of the sea floor. The good news was that you kind of got used to it after a while. Got used to the gasping, brink-of-heart-attack feeling that followed you everywhere. All you had to do was grab one of the prongs that stuck out from the bottom of your sternum, give it a little shake, and say, “Listen, asshole. We’re not dying. We have shit to do.”

A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares by Krystal Sutherland

Release Date: September 5th, 2017
Pages: 368
Publisher: G.P. Putnam's Sons Books for Young Readers
Purchase: Amazon // Barnes and Noble // Book Depository
Ever since Esther Solar’s grandfather met Death, her entire family has been doomed to suffer one great fear in their lifetime—a fear that will eventually lead each and every one of them to their graves. Take Esther’s father, for instance: He’s an agoraphobe who hasn’t left the basement in six years. Then there’s her twin brother, Eugene, whose fear of the dark goes far beyond the things that go bump in the night. And her mother, Rosemary, is absolutely terrified of bad luck. As for Esther, she’s managed to escape the curse…so far. She doesn’t yet have a great fear because she avoids pretty much everything. Elevators, small spaces, crowds—anything that might trigger a phobia is off-limits and is meticulously recorded in her semi-definitive list of worst nightmares. Esther thinks she has it all figured out, until she’s reunited with an old elementary school classmate—and first crush—Jonah Smallwood. The encounter leaves her stranded at a bus stop and swindled out of her phone, all her cash, a Fruit Roll-Up she’d been saving, and her list—not to mention her dignity. But the theft is also the beginning of an unexpected friendship between the two, one that sends the pair on a journey of self-discovery as they try to break the curse that’s consumed Esther’s family. Together they face their greatest fears, one debilitating phobia at a time, only to discover the one fear they hadn’t counted on: love.

TW: (attempted) suicide, anxiety, self-harm

This is one of those books that had a lot of elements I seriously love, but an overall story arc that just didn't really do it for me. 

Firstly, I just have to say; this is my first book by Krystal Sutherland and holy hell. The woman definitely has a way with words, and I'm lowkey obsessed with her writing style. It flowed so nicely and was so vivid and cinematic. One of the things I loved throughout the book was all the Wes Anderson movie references (Grand Budapest Hotel is kind of my favorite thing ever). 

The references felt so fitting to me, because the way Sutherland wrote, it felt so much like an Anderson film, and I could so clearly see his directing style paired with the events described, which made for such a unique visualization of the story that I can't get enough of. The dry humor was also fantastic; I'm always a sucker for sarcastic back-and-forth banter and A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares had it in abundance.

Aside from the writing style, I thought the characters were such a strong point of A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares. Esther was quirky without being annoying, and I loved the attention that was given to developing her throughout the novel. For me, the anxiety representation was fantastic, and extremely relatable. I realize it might be triggering for some, with the spot-on descriptions of what it feels like to suffer from anxiety, but I found it represented in such a tactful and truthful way that for me, it was comforting to be able to connect with Esther. Also, Esther and her twin Eugene?? ADORABLE. I loved their relationship so much, and how they leaned on, and supported, each other. It was so pure. 

The rest of the Solar family also all had their own mental illness struggles, and while characters such as Esther's dad didn't have much page time, I appreciated the way Sutherland made sure to develop each member of the family, and give them some kind of final arc when it came to their mental illness and how they chose to deal with it/get help. It was nice to see the communal recognition that getting help wasn't something to be ashamed of.

However, the book seriously dragged in the middle, and picking it up became a chore for me. I was still intrigued, but I just didn't feel the motivation to continue the story when it continued to be what seemed like endless chapters of more things being crossed off of Esther's list & a steady concentration on the downfall of her mom. It got repetitive quickly, until things finally picked up again with the hunt for Death. I definitely feel like the book lost its way for a large chunk. I think there was one too many things thrown in that caused things to become a bit jumbled. There were so many storylines; between the flashbacks with Esther's grandfather, the hunt to find death, Esther's mission to cross off things on her worst nightmare list, Eugene's worsening depression, and the plight of the family, it all felt like a bit too much. 

Overall, A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares was extremely enjoyable, and I liked it a lot. The Wes Anderson references were perfection, the family dynamics were a huge highlight, and the vivid writing was gorgeous. Unfortunately, though, there wasn't enough for me to love it. 

*3.5 out of 5 stars*
★★★☆☆









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